I am the youngest child of a blended family. I have two half brothers and two half sisters. When my parents were married, my sisters were in their teens and my brothers were pre-teens. I can attest that there are some challenges associated with combining families seamlessly and being a good step parent.
There are things you can do to make the transition easier. Talk with your spouse about what kind of role that they and the step child’s other biological parent are comfortable with you having in your step child’s life. Take lots of time to get to know your step child. When things get hard, definitely take things slow and focus on the positives. And definitely, definitely don’t suggest your spouse give their kid up for adoption.
Social media shocked by adoption question
That last one ought to seem like a bit of a no-brainer, but one woman took to Facebook to seek help with getting rid of her fiancé’s 4-year-old daughter.
In a post to the Facebook group CTL+ALT+DELETE That Relationship, the soon-to-be step mother expressed some viewpoints that many in the group found reprehensible. She started her story off by talking about her own pregnancy, being 7 months along with a baby girl, and how excited she is to bring her daughter into the world.
But she turns her attention from her own child to her fiance’s 4-year-old daughter, specifically about how to convince him to put her up for adoption.
Her fiancé is a widower, having lost the mother of his daughter. Since her death, he’d been operating as a single parent for his young daughter.
“I am not the stepmother type and I know I won’t treat his daughter the same way I will treat our child,” she writes in her post. “To be quite honest, she gets on my damn nerves.”
She complained further than his daughter is very attached to him. “I am worried that is going to take away from my child’s bond with her father,” she wrote.
“Basically I want to tell my fiance to get rid of her, she can go live with her grandparents.“
She finished up her shocking post by saying that she’s not a bad person and that she’s only looking out for the well-being of her unborn daughter.
“I am not a bad person, I’m just looking out for my child and making sure she receives all of her daddy’s attention without having her ‘older sister’ intervene,” she wrote.
A lot to unpack
After I finished reading this post, I had to sit back in my chair in silence for a moment just to unpack the whole story. I also stopped to consider whether or not the poster was just being a troll and telling a fake story to kick up a frenzy. Mission accomplished if so.
Assuming for a moment that the poster isn’t actually a troll and is being sincere, I have to wonder if her fiancé knew this about her. I’ve read countless anecdotes about people marrying their dream husbands and wives only to have them do a 180 after marriage and completely change.
An important part of dating is establishing early on what your preferences are. If this woman didn’t want to be a step parent, she had countless opportunities to not be a step parent. After she found out that the guy she just started dating has a daughter, she could have said “I don’t really want to be a step parent,” and found herself a nice single, childless guy to date. Problem solved. Instead, she waits presumably years to float the idea of giving the girl up for adoption.
The woman who made this post on Facebook was thoroughly panned by the community, and it was well deserved.
“I hope your fiancé realises he is set to marry the wrong woman because the right woman would love and raise that beautiful little girl as her own,” one Facebook user wrote.
Another makes a great point: “That poor baby lost her mother and you want to take her father away? I hope you’re dumped ASAP.“
Some picked up on the idea that it may be a fake troll type post, but one user pushed back with a personal story.
“It happens,” they commented. “My mum’s boyfriend wanted her to move in with him and leave my little brothers in my charge just because he wanted the attention all for himself.”
In actuality, the worst case scenario for the 4-year-old girl in this story is for the woman to not mention any of this and instead treat her step daughter poorly, as her posts suggests she intends to do. I hope for the little girl’s sake, her husband figures out that she has this side about her and dumps her on the spot.