Parents have every right to make their own rules concerning how and when they bring their children into the world. That also goes for how mothers choose to give birth, where it happens, and who will be in the delivery room. However, one mother didn’t agree with her daughter’s decision not to allow her to be present during her grandchild’s delivery and took it very personally. The mom had made it clear that she did not want any guests to see their new baby for at least two weeks. However, it became clear quickly that her baby’s grandmother wasn’t about to take no for an answer.
An anonymous mom-to-be wrote in her post about how she was having a difficult time getting her mother to understand that she could not be present while she was giving birth. The woman, who was 35 weeks pregnant, explained that both she and her husband agreed not to have visitors when she gave birth at the end of that month. “My husband is taking two-weeks paternity leave so we can get to know our daughter and get into a routine,” she continued. “This is what works best for us. We are very private people, and it’s our first (and most likely, last) baby.” However, her mother did not think that should apply to her. “My mother said her plan was to come the day of the induction to be there at the delivery, stay for a few days, and then fly back to ‘give us our two-weeks alone,'” she recalled. “Um … no. That isn’t giving us our two-weeks alone.”
At that point, the pregnant woman said she had to put her foot down, telling her mother that she wasn’t making any exceptions to their rule and that she could visit her grandchild two weeks after she gave birth, just like everyone else. Well, that didn’t sit well with grandma. “She flipped out,” the poster continued. “She said I was horrible, so selfish and entitled. I was taking away the moment she should have with HER granddaughter.” The Redditor then explained how she told her mom that there were certain reasons she wanted her to stay out of the delivery room, such as her propensity to disagree with their doctor. “She denied ever disagreeing with anything, so I named everything she ever argued with me about: me being induced, my epidural, breastfeeding/formula, co-sleeping, C-section rates, the list goes on,” she continued. “She has had an opinion about everything, and it’s always, always outdated information or old wives tales type [expletive].”
Then the woman’s mom tried a different tactic to win her entry into the delivery room. “She said she needed to be there in case of an emergency to ‘help make important medical decisions’, and it took everything for me not to laugh,” she wrote. “She is the last person I would want to make medical decisions, and I could just see her arguing with my very capable husband and doctor. Absolutely no way in hell.” Pretty soon, it became obvious to her mom that she would not be getting her way, and that’s when grandma told her she’d get her “payback” one day via her grandchildren. However, the “just wait until your kids grow up and give you hell someday” threat didn’t impress her pregnant daughter, who wrote: “I would totally understand if my kid did that,” she wrote, adding that she had zero regrets for having a super private wedding and knew that she would have zero regrets about keeping her delivery between herself and her husband.
The poster continued by explaining how she and her mom have had a rocky relationship in the past. Still, now she understands that things work better between them if they maintain certain boundaries. “I told her that it wasn’t personal, I was not trying to hurt anyone, but we are firm with our decisions,” she explained. “Her response was ‘If you and [husband] want to be alone, [then] fine, you’ll be alone! If I can’t come to the delivery, than I’m not coming at all! You can’t delegate when people can come see the baby. It doesn’t work that way!'” “Actually, it does work that way,” she continued. “I told her I was sorry she felt that way, and we would see her when we see her.” (She also added that going forward, she’ll keep her mom on an ‘information diet’ and hasn’t even told her that she recently had her last ultrasound.) “I don’t need the stress,” she wrote. “I have had an extremely rough pregnancy and this stuff does not help at all. If all of this makes me a horrible, selfish person, [then] I guess that is exactly what I am. But I’m not budging.”
Commenters commended the mom for making the very tough but brave decision to stick to her guns. “You aren’t being selfish, you’re setting your family’s boundaries,” one commenter wrote. “I wish you a shiny spine, as well as an easy, uncomplicated delivery (for both of us, as I’m actually about at the same point myself!).” “Your mom is crazy,” wrote someone else. “You set the rules, she either follows them or stays home.” “Has she considered that perhaps SHE is selfish, and that SHE needs to get over HERSELF?” a third person chimed in. “No more explaining to mom. Don’t give her anything to argue with. Just ‘NO.’ Cut conversations short if needed. She can play by your rules, or she can’t play at all. Sorry your mom sucks.” However, one person noted that the mom-to-be might be making a costly mistake. “I enjoyed having my mum and MIL around when I had my babies,” the woman wrote. “An extra set of hands to hold the baby was welcomed by my husband and me … my advice is not to shut family out in those first couple of weeks.”
After hearing from both sides, the original poster later wrote that she planned to stand firm regarding her decision. She also wrote that her mom had recently sent a text message wishing to make peace. It read: “I hope everything went well with your last sonogram. I love you, but I just can’t argue with you anymore … I hope you feel better today, and have a good day.” “This is annoying to me because I don’t want to argue either,” the mom admitted. “I need her to stop arguing and respect my decisions and boundaries. But I have learned that you can’t reason with the unreasonable.” What do you think? Is the mom-to-be right for setting her boundaries, or should she have made an exception for her mom?